September 1, 2010

Teddy Bear Time

Ok. So let's be honest. There may have been some of you out there who, in watching my video tour of my room from yesterday, thought, "Um, Deanne? Aren't you a little old to be doing the teddy bear-thing?" Yes, I do have two teddy bears on my bed right now.

The first bear is my "Matt" bear. He gave it to me when we were dating, and it has the Army logo on it's paws, ears, and bow tie. And my bear smells like Matt.

It has a hidden compartment in its back, like this:

This is where I stash a tiny bottle of Matt's cologne.

Clearly I am the one who makes my bear smell like Matt. The thing is, when you've gotten accustomed to sleeping with the love of your life's warm body next to you, it can feel especially lonely and painful when you are forced to sleep alone. I have had trouble sleeping well ever since Matt has left. So to have my Matt bear lying next to me, softly filling the air with the scent of him--well, it makes me feel better. And for those times when I feel extra sad, my Matt bear is great for squeezing.

Then there's this little guy:

I got him during my first week here in Hungary from a 7 year-old girl named Agi. There were a lot of people at her family's house that night for dinner, and Agi saw me pick up this little bear and admire him. Honestly, I was thinking how his bow reminded me of Burberry's famous print.

When I went to leave, Agi ran and got the bear and gave him to me. I was so touched! So he has stayed on my bed, too, and I will probably keep him always.

Ultimately, it may be a little childish that I have teddy bears on my bed. But sometimes, you've just got to figure out ways to help you cope with the pain of the absence of someone you love.

I also feel it is important in my life to have little ways to hold on to the time when I was a little girl, because there's something so pure and innocent about childhood. There is such a sense of awe and wonderment that accompanies childhood, and in looking at life, I hope to always retain a piece of that. It's also a sentiment I like to try to practice in my relationship with Christ--to have faith like a child.


Sara said...

I love who you are!

Meg said...

Awwww, Deanne! That's so sweet. It must be so hard to not have Matt around. I think it's great that you have a bear to hold on to at night - that smells like him! When Chris and I were doing long distance, he got me a cuddle roll. Same idea...without the ears. :-) Sounds like you're having a wonderful time in Hungary! Stay well!


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