Oops, I did it again

How does that saying go--two steps forward, and one step back? I had written a couple of months ago about my victory in getting blood work done without passing out. Unfortunately, last week, my problem with passing out decided to show its lovely little face again.

I was in Ohio at my parents' house because I was doing a Silpada party there. I had gotten up and into the shower to get ready to go to a café for breakfast with my parents. While showering, I sat down in the tub to shave my legs. I don't know why I do this--it's just a habit I've had for years.

I was shaving up the outside of my right thigh, and I'm not quite sure what happened. Maybe I bumped my arm or something, but I ended up turning the razor sideways and slicing a good 2 inch cut into my thigh. Ohhhh...it hurt. It was bleeding a lot, but the water was hitting the cut and washing the blood away immediately. I think it was the sharp, stinging pain that bothered me the most...again, psychological.

I felt it coming. I knew I was going to pass out. I figured I'd just sit there and let it happen because I didn't have anywhere where I could fall over and hurt myself. The next thing I knew, I woke up with that feeling; feeling like I'd just been sleeping deeply for a week. I remember thinking, "Why did I decide to sleep in the shower?" I was thinking how stupid that was of me, when I started to slowly gain my bearings. I know when I woke up I was slumped over on the shower curtain and I think the water hitting my face was what woke me up.

I have a theory now about what happens after I wake up from passing out. It seems that when I pass out and wake up on my own, I'm feeling OK. It's been that way every time I've woken up naturally. But when I have been woken up from my passed-out state, usually from someone reviving me, I immediately break into a cold sweat, get really nauseated, and soon after, get sick to my stomach. I believe this time the water from the shower woke me up sooner than I would have naturally woken up, and therefore my body reacted in this pattern. Luckily I was able to make it out of the tub and to the toilet in time (sorry if that's too much info for you).

Like I had mentioned before, I hadn't passed out in over two years, since the time when I lived alone. Matt joked with me that he thinks I'm making it up about these passing out episodes, since he has yet to witness one.

I've tried to keep the faith that I will get over this problem. I have to. I do believe I've made progress, but I've still got a long ways to go with conquering my psychological issues that make me pass out like that. Argh.

Well, at least one thing I can say, is that I'm a pretty unique girl, huh? :)