January 20, 2010

Creating Calm amidst Chaos

Life feels utterly chaotic. And I am not a person who deals well with chaos.

Let me explain why life feels this way. As I mentioned in a previous post, Matt will deploy to Afghanistan for a year this May and I am beginning graduate school in June, the first part taking place in Israel for six months. The preparations alone for both of these events make my head spin.

However, the most recent happenings have me feeling as if all is spinning out of control. Let me back up slightly....in November, Matt interviewed for a new job in the northern Detroit area with border patrol. Two weeks later, he was conditionally offered the position. It was conditional because Matt had to receive very extensive security clearances before he would officially be given the position. Based upon examples of others who were waiting to receive their final clearances, we were expecting for Matt to possibly begin in late March or April.

Last Friday, Matt found out all of his clearances have gone through and he can begin as soon as January 31st. This is great in that Matt is excited to start this new job, but it will make our lives much more complicated for a longer period of time prior to our both leaving the country.

We currently live in DeWitt {a suburb of Lansing} and where Matt works is two hours away, one direction. This leaves commuting out of the option. Matt could find somewhere, like a hotel room, to stay during the week and come home on the weekends, but this does not satisfy either of us because of the upcoming 14-month separation we'll have to endure in a few month's time.

So--it looks as if we'll be moving shortly. Our current apartment's lease isn't up until the end of June, so we'll have to pay extra to get out of that early. We'll most likely get another apartment temporarily in the northern Detroit area and if we sign a six-month lease agreement, we'll be able to get out of it early because of Matt's military orders for deployment. But we'll leave much of our belongings packed up since we'll be putting everything into storage once we both are gone.

Matt will begin the new job on February 16th, so now we have to decide how soon to move me and our things over to Detroit along with him. Matt leaves for a three-week training in Florida at the end of February until mid March, so it will most likely be either before or after that. Since that training also takes away from our time left together before Matt's deployment, I'd prefer to move before {which will be in a mere 3-4 weeks!}. I've become quite comfortable in our current apartment. It's our "first home" together since being married and we've been here 2 and 1/2 years, so it's a bit upsetting to think about leaving it. {I'm known for being over-sentimental, ask anyone}.

I've now been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I cannot make my mind shut off as I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep. All that is coming, all that needs to be done, all the unanswered questions---it all overwhelms me. My internal world feels like chaos.

In an attempt to retain a level of sanity, I've been trying to relax and pamper myself in as many ways as possible, as often as possible. Candle-lit bubble baths soothe me almost every-other day. I'm drinking may cups of tea out of the bone china teacup and saucer I inherited from my grandma Dorsey. I'm taking lots of time to pamper my body with creamy lotions, body scrubs, rejuvenating face masques, and in-home manicures/pedicures. I've been climbing into bed each night with moisturizing socks and gloves as I try {in vain} to fall asleep to soothing songs on my iPod. I've been curling up to watch all my favorite movies and to immerse myself in inspirational books.

I know I'll need to keep this up as life will become increasingly more chaotic in the coming months. I do have a positive outlook on things, I just know myself, and dealing with change and lots of stress has never been a strength of mine. As ever, I will be looking to my Savior for that strength.

I'm growing more excited for the trip to Trinidad and Tobago, and I know it will be a fantastic time that will be a great distraction from my stressful thoughts. I'll just need to brace myself for the beginning of the moving process once I get back.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

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