March 2, 2013

It Is

It is. Everything they said it would be, and more.

I'm talking about becoming a mother. Everyone tells you how wonderful and life-changing it is. You know it will be. But you just can't know, you can't really know, until you have those moments.

That moment when you push your final push, and your child emerges fully from your womb. The earth stands still, all others fade away, and it is only you, your husband, and your baby in a noiseless void.

That moment when your baby is first placed in your arms. Here is the moment when you lock eyes with that little person who has been twisting and moving inside of you for nine months. You couldn't imagine her big, bright eyes, her thick (oh so thick!) and dark head of hair, those skinny arms and legs that are so very strong.

"There's nothing like it in the whole world," my mom said as she hugged me with big tears in her eyes. It was the night we told my parents we were pregnant, and my mom was talking about the moment when you hold your baby for the first time. I knew she was right, that I just couldn't understand until I experienced that moment for myself.

In the passing of these few moments, my whole world shifted.  My world was no longer about me, and I really couldn't understand how ready I was for that change until I met my little Makenna. My life's purpose seemed to transform in an instant. I was born to be the wife of Matthew Perry. God brought us together in His perfect way, to honor Him and create this beautiful human being. My life's purpose is to be Makenna's mother.

Motherhood is so very impossible to put into words. It's one of those things in life, like finding your lifelong love, that you just can't describe--you have to experience it for yourself to truly understand.

It is so many things encompassed into one. And with each passing day, I'm discovering new and wonderful things about motherhood. One of the wonderful things is how hard it is. It is hard work. But nothing in my life has ever seemed more worthwhile. And isn't true that in life, the very hardest things--the ones that stretch us and try us and help us to discover what we're truly made of--are also the most worthwhile things?

So, yes. When it's 3 am and I roll out of bed to nurse Makenna, I am exhausted and want to fall back into my pillow. But I wouldn't trade those 3 am feedings for anything in the world. Because they are sacred and beautiful; just me and my daughter, sitting quietly, snuggled warmly in the stillness. Because I know that these moments are precious. All too soon, Makenna will grow and be bigger and will sleep through the nights. As much as I can't wait for tomorrow, to discover more of who Makenna is as she grows and changes, I also want to live in each present moment with her and not ever take a single one for granted.

My dear friend Helena recently wrote to me, "You are a mommy now, welcome to the most wonderful club in the world!" I haven't even been in this club for three weeks now, but it's far more than enough to know that Helena's words are true.

Motherhood is what they say it is. Oh, it truly, truly is.


Unknown said...

Deanne, this is the perfect description of motherhood! I tell Stefan all the time I feel for the first time ever that I have real purpose being a mum. And those moments, oh the moments! When you first meet your little one, the waking up at night, embrace them all because as you said she will sleep through the night, she will get older and it will all be gone. And you can't spoil them until like 6 months with snuggles, so snuggle away!!

Unknown said...

This is Amanda Bean btw:)

Deanne Perry said...

You better believe I am snuggling her like there's no tomorrow! P.S. I love that you call yourself "mum" :)


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