Thirty Two

I've returned once again to this little blog of mine after experiencing many weeks of wondrous things, the biggest of all being our trip to Scotland. It was amazing, it was beautiful, it was dreamy, it was epic. I will be sharing many posts all about our trip in the coming days, so please stay tuned!

But first, a little something about my birthday...

Last week I celebrated my thirty second birthday. The funny thing is, I don't feel an ounce of sadness about "getting older." I feel it is a wonderful milestone, getting to celebrating living thirty two, wonderful, joy-filled years here on this earth. Maybe I feel this way because I've shed too many tears this past year for those who have passed away. A few, like my Gramma Dorsey, lived long, full lives, but many others were lives that were much, much shorter than anticipated, making the sorrow of being parted and the sting of death that much deeper.

Although I couldn't tell you the exact reason why, I so often found myself in quiet introspection over this past year. This has left me in a place of thankfulness, joy, and contentedness such that I've never known before.

Shades of pink: peonies from our garden. They are in full bloom every year just
in time for my birthday.

So to me, turning thirty two has symbolized the turning of a page in my life. And anyhow, I've always felt like the passing of each birthday was more of a fresh start at new beginnings than the passing of each New Year's. But that's just me.

On my actual birthday, I received a gift in the mail from my sister, Erin. We don't normally exchange birthday gifts, but she surprised me this year. She presented me with the most perfectly perfect gift because 1). I've been in need of a new daily devotional book, and 2). the title and theme of this book coincides exactly with my current state of mind.

The beautiful cover to this book makes it a worthy edition to be displayed on the coffee table.

The title sums up my newest mission: to truly savor life and all it's little moments.

It's taking a step back, removing unnecessary distractions, and truly being present in each moment. It's very much what I endeavor this blog to be all about--noticing little details and taking delight in the small things of life.

A few weeks ago, I was busily washing dishes at the sink. I glanced up out the window and noticed a small sparrow sitting on the fence. It was windy out, and I could see the breeze ruffling his feathers. I turned off the water and watched him for the remaining thirty seconds or so he sat on the fence. I took in the details of his adorable face, noticed the whiteness of the feathers on his chest, and watched the branches of the lilac tree next to him sway in the wind. It was such a small and quiet moment, but it was so very lovely.

I enjoyed that moment so deeply and I was so happy I glanced up from my busy work. It was a moment of perspective where I realized that taking in the small things must become a daily exercise. I need to put forth a real effort everyday to push aside distractions and take notice of the life that is happening all around me, of the beauty that is so near.

May I take it all in, little by little: the bright blue shade of the summer sky, the smell of the flowers in our garden, the feeling of the breeze brushing my skin, the smell of my daughter's hair as she rests her head on my shoulder, the sounds of birds chirping and neighborhood kids playing at the park. I want to slowly and deliberately savor the flavor of my food and drink. I want to relish the comfort of laying in my own bed. I want to write handwritten notes and letters instead of texts or emails. I want to drink tea from china teacups. I want to stop saying I'll do this and that later, saving it for a special occasion. Today is a special occasion, filled with endless gifts orchestrated just for me by my loving Savior, and he's just waiting for me to unwrap each one of them, if only I'll take notice.

Now I begin the next year of my life, filling the hours with these exercises in savoring. My prayer is that after diligent practice, I'll no longer need to force myself to take notice, that savoring the moments will become my second nature.

This is Me: OCD

Something that you may or may not know about me is that at age nine, I was diagnosed with a mental illness: an anxiety/panic disorder. This has been one of the most monumental aspects of my entire life, and I intend to share my journey with my disorder at an upcoming time. But there are two other issues that are inevitably linked to any person suffering from anxiety disorders: depression and obsessive compulsive disorder {OCD}. Today, I wanted to take a moment to share about the OCD side of my disorder.

Here on my blog, I often joke around about my OCD-tendencies and my obsessions with all things neat, tidy, and organized. I must admit that I really shouldn't kid about these things, for I can understand all too well those who actually suffer and deal with severe OCD issues on a regular basis.

My OCD issues have always been apparent, even at a young age. At times it just seemed that I was particular, whereas other times {most notably during the stages when I severely struggled with panic attacks}, my OCD would be much more prevalent. I never was at the point where some OCD suffers find themselves, such as touching things a certain number of times, turning things on and off so many times, or doing any other compulsive behaviors that they believe would lead to disaster if not completed. Yet I was not far from these habits, either. Mostly, I had an overwhelming need to control my things and their location.

Halloween Candy

My OCD was always a sense of trying to control my environment in times when I felt everything else in my life was out of control. I couldn't control my anxiety and panic attacks. But I could control my physical items, and when placed exactly where I liked them and felt they needed to be, it brought me a sense of peace and calm I could otherwise not produce.

I can remember so many times, placing a book or a piece of paper on my desk,  and laying it just right so that the edges of the book or paper would be perfectly perpendicular to the edges of the desk. I'd walk away, then stop. It wouldn't feel right, so I'd need to go back and check it to make sure the lines were perfect. Sometimes I'd even make it to the family room, sit down, then continually doubt that the lines were perfect, so I'd go back to my room to check the position of the book or paper. Especially with paper, I knew that a simple breeze from a passerby could slide the paper out of its position. Paper was always risky.

The amount of control I used to exhibit was extreme, but I felt it is how I could best function in life. I have come so very, very far from where I used to be with my OCD.

During college, I really made leaps and bounds coming out of my need for my items to be just perfectly so. I had roommates all through college, so I quickly learned that I could only control my items and that often our shared spaces would just have to be. I even relaxed so much that really for the first time in my life, I sometimes let things go and my room would get cluttered and messy.

I've carried this leniency on though to our married life. Matt is well-aware of my tendencies and he will sometimes find I've gone through his dresser and refolded everything and placed them back neatly and carefully. Thankfully, Matt is overall quite neat and clean for a guy, something I feel I owe to his years in the military. But sometimes our house does get cluttered and definitely in need of cleaning, especially now that we have a little one to chase around {and who is in the current destruct-o stage of tearing the house apart room by room}.

Yet my OCD is there. I don't sleep well if the house isn't at least picked up; I still get that feeling that things aren't good or right. I can't stand knowing that there are closets or drawers that are cluttered. At the times I've put things into closets or drawers before company comes over, and though I know this is a completely common and normal practice for most people, I feel shame. I feel that I am hiding something. It feels wrong to present a clean and orderly home when drawers and closets can be opened up to show disorder and clutter within. In a weird way, I feel that I am presenting some false version of myself, one that is dis-genuine. And there is little else that I distain more than being fake.

It has always been my own things, my own sense of order {well, Matt's and Makenna's included, since it's all our things} that concerns me. It doesn't bother me to walk into someone else's space and see clutter, and I can sincerely tell you that I never pass judgement when I'm in someone else's home. I don't honestly even think about it, because the things are not mine and they make up a space which belongs to someone else. Furthermore, I am keenly aware that my standards based on my tendencies are extremely abnormal.

As I write this, I'm realizing how difficult it is to articulate my tendencies--the way my personal spaces deeply affect my mental well-being. It's one of those things that probably can't really be understood unless someone else has the same tendencies or battles with disorders.

I've come to accept that like my anxiety disorder, the OCD side of Deanne will always be there. It's intrinsically built into my DNA. I am pleased with the progress I've made with my OCD over the years, and still I accept that I will probably never feel at peace unless all of my drawers and closets are organized. And I'm OK with that.

Recent organization of our bins of infant items

I pass it off as one of my quirks, but it is so much more than that. I know better than anyone what it is to struggle with mental illness and to have it turn your world upside down. The key, I have found, is to accept and adapt--to learn to live a normal life with mental illness.

And, yes. I will probably always blog about organization because it is truly something I enjoy now. I find it fun and inspiring and it makes me feel good. I praise God that I can now enjoy this part of myself and not feel it is something that controls me or our everyday family life.

Hello FREEDOM!

Matt left Monday morning for work training in Arizona and won't be back until Friday of next week {it's a long training!}. Yesterday, I drove to meet my mom in Indiana and handed over Makenna to her care until Friday evening.

That's right--I am free of both child and wifely duties for the next few days! All of my time is my very own!

 I may or may not even have celebrated by eating a Party Pizza {one of my super-guilty indulgences that I hardly ever allow myself}.

Once Makenna comes home Friday evening, I will only have her until Sunday afternoon, at which time I will hand her over to Matt's parents for ANOTHER four days and three nights of freedom.

I planned for Makenna to have these fun getaways with her grandparents during Matt's work trip at the prompting of my best friend, Laura. She has taken advantage of similar opportunities and convinced me that I'd "be a better mom for it." It's true---this is a time of both recharging and opportunity to accomplish many things for which I normally don't have the time.

I have so much I am planning to do during this time {which is already passing by much too quickly} and I've already given myself pep talks about how I'm trying to cram too many projects into too little time, so I need to know that they won't all get finished. To begin with, I decided to undertake painting our basement since it has been completely cleared out for the new carpet installation. I wasn't originally planning on this and it is quite time consuming, but since I had envisioned painting the basement at some point anyway, it really would've been silly not to take advantage of the both the fact that our basement is all cleared out and that Matt and Makenna are both away. We spend a significant amount of time in our basement as a playroom for Makenna and our family room {which contains the only TV in our home} where Matt and I like to relax in the evenings and on weekends. I am really excited about making it look prettier and feel a bit more cozy. The new carpet will make it look amazing, too!

After handing Makenna off yesterday, I drove back to Michigan, went to Ikea, went in for a dental cleaning appointment, and painted half of our basement. I have vowed not to waste this time!

It will be hard to maintain a balance between the many projects I want to tackle and making sure I take time to relax and enjoy myself. I am still needing to fit in my 19 hours of weekly work, too. I have plans next week to have a shopping day where I will leisurely browse all the less-kid-friendly stores I rarely visit anymore and partake in one of my favorite pastimes: sipping a Starbucks and spending a ridiculous amount of time browsing the Barnes and Noble book shop.

I must go...time to work some more, finish up the painting, and then head out to meet my small group for ice cream this evening!

Project P.R.B. Update

I am pretty excited because {for the most part}, I have completed part "P" {purging} of my project and I'm well into part "R" {reorganizing}!

{See explanation of "P.R.B." here}

The house has been sorted through from literally top to bottom, and this is what I've come up with for the yard sale:

{caution: ugly basement photo!}

This photo does not include our big ticket items, either. It will be so nice to sort through this, get it prepared for the sale, and get it OUT of our house!

I've reorganized our kitchen, which I've been itching to do for months, and made a few changes to maximize storage space in our tiny kitchen {I'll write about this later}. I've also mostly gotten our utility room under control, thanks to the new shiny set of utility shelves we purchased to help with organization. I'd never thought I could be so excited about adding utility shelves to a space!

I also pulled out all of the bins from our attic to purge and ended up reorganizing all the bins of baby items and clothing. I added labels, too; nothing fancy like you see online but at least functional. That's one of my quirks, too--I have more peace of mind knowing the baby clothes are folded nice and neatly in their bins. Maybe other OCD-types can relate? Anyone??

I have planned a lot of "before and after" photos to share of things we've done around our house. We've been working hard, but there's still much to do.

Thanks to project P.R.B., I'm feeling so much better about the overall state of our house. Lots more things to share soon!

Project P.R.B.

Our house is a disaster right now. You can't come in. I won't let you.

Ok, really it's not that bad. Except for half of the basement.

I'm in the midst of some major projects around here. In fact, I've come up with my own little name for this massive undertaking {because I'm just a nerd like that}: Project P.R.B.


P = Purge
I got rid of very few items when we first moved from our apartment into our house because I felt unsure of what we'd actually need and use in our bigger place. Now I know, and the excess has really started to eat at me. Especially with all the stuff that comes with having kids, I'm really feeling the urge to simplify as much as possible.

So I am going through every corner, every closet, every box and bin and purging my little heart out. It feels amazing.

Because we have a fairly significant amount of stuff to get rid of, I'm setting it all aside for now and planning to have a yard sale later this summer. I'm hoping we can at least make a small sum of cash that can help pay for some upgrades in our kitchen that don't fit our current budget.

The pile of items "to yard sale" is growing by the day and is making our basement rather precarious. Hopefully the bigger the pile, the bigger the income, but for now, it's a major eyesore and I can't wait to get all of that stuff out of our house!

R = Reorganize
We all know the tale of how we moved into this home exactly three weeks to the day before the arrival of our first baby. That means that our whole house was unpacked in quite a hurry. Whether we had unpacked just before Makenna was born or in the weeks after, we did it all without a lot of thought and just for the sake of being entirely unpacked.

I have put a little effort into making things more sensible and functional for us since then, but I haven't majorly tackled it all as it should be. As I've pulled everything out to complete the purging, I've put of lot of thought into how to best organize or reorganize items to make our life easier.

Unfortunately this has become a bit painstaking. I'm spending so much time trying to visualize or put something away one place but then decide it would work better somewhere else. The fact that I have such strong OCD tendencies does not help one bit!

B = Beautify
I've always been a stickler for organization but I haven't always paid much attention to making the whole scheme beautiful and elegant. I freely admit that I've gotten sucked into the organizing/home decor blogs out there and fallen madly in love with the thousands of ideas for pretty organization. The photos I've seen have made me hang my head in shame at my brown cardboard boxes, even if the contents within are organized.

Yet it also doesn't fit our budget for me to run out and buy lots of pretty new containers and such. I'm going to have to get pretty creative--spray paint, wrapping/contact papers, and whatever else I've got on hand will probably be the tools I use to attempt some more aesthetically-pleasing storage spaces.



I'm a procrastinator. {That's always something I'm working at!} So I'm a bit ashamed I've not gotten around to doing all of this until roughly a year and half in our house. In typical Deanne-fashion, I am pushing myself hard to get things accomplished as I have only a few remaining weeks until my "work season" will start up again. Once that happens, it's so much harder to get major projects done.

So here are my "musts" in the coming weeks:
1. Complete the P {purging} and R {reorganization}
2. Have a yard sale
3. Paint our office desk

Yikes. Wish me luck!

I'll try to keep you updated on the progress, and possibly even share some cringe-worthy photos of the current chaos in our home.

Travel Memoirs

My little blog here began as a way to share my overseas experiences with family and friends while I was away. The travel theme has been recurring here many times since I have been so incredibly fortunate to have traveled and spent time abroad in my life thus far.

I think of these many travels daily. Most often I am thinking of dear friends I made during my travels and missing them terribly. Other times I think of little things: the quiet restaurants, the amazing coffee, the fresh bread and pastry shops, walking everywhere, lovely architecture. I love these little moments of remembrances that transport me back to these special places where I've visited, lived, studied, or worked, even if only for a tiny instant.

These little memoirs that are a part of my daily life are very special to me. Travel is sacred to my soul. Travel is something I desperately need in my life. I had felt a longing for it ever since I was a young child, but until I first traveled abroad at age fourteen, I never really knew how deeply I needed it. I still feel the call of travel tugging at my heart each and every day, beckoning me to adventure and new discoveries.

I am a firm believer in living in the present and enjoying it to its fullest potential, however I find it to be quite refreshing to my mind and heart to pause and reflect upon my travels. I believe that is what travel is all about. It's excitement, discovery, stepping outside of one's own comfort zone--these things inevitably change a person, be it in big ways or small. The times I have studied or worked abroad have been especially intense times of growth for me--personal growth, spiritual growth, academic/linguistic growth, and thousands upon thousands of enriching experiences. I feel that if I were to forget these times and not pause to let the memories flood my heart and mind once again, then it was all for naught.

Strasbourg, France

Because I recently read a book on French parenting, France has been especially on my mind. I essentially spent eight months total there--two six week-long study programs in Normandy and five months studying at the University of Strasbourg. Oh! How I adore France! I lack the words to convey how deeply I love the French language, culture, and people. Yet in my recent remembrances of France, I've felt inspired to start sharing some of these travel memoirs that cross my mind--not just of France, but everywhere else I've been, too. It may be something as small as foods I came to love or something as big as a specific event that was quite memorable.

I hope you will enjoy these snapshots I will soon begin to share!

Arriving at Motherhood

It's been fifteen months since I became a mother. Clearly this is a new adventure for me, yet I've logged enough days now that I feel much more settled in my newest role in life.

Motherhood has been an extraordinarily beautiful process for me--so pure and simple but also vastly complex all at once. As with anything in life, it has its highs and lows. But the highs are so utterly blissful and wondrous that it makes the lows seems almost non-existent for me.

I struggle with what I perceive to be a culture of negativity surrounding motherhood or parenthood today. It's exacerbated all the more by social media outlets. Part of this negativity--the pressures, the awful competitiveness, and comparisons between mothers--I didn't know existed prior to becoming a mother, and I'm so thankful I didn't. I think that without necessarily meaning to do so, our society somewhat discourages twenty and thirty-somethings from becoming parents.

So if I'm being perfectly honest with you, I held many negative expectations about what my life would be like as a mother before I arrived here. Part of it came from the oh-so-thoughtful comments we'd gotten during my pregnancy: "Sleep now, while you can!", "Your time is not your own anymore", or my favorite, "Do such and such now because you'll never be able to do that again!" Thanks to comments like that combined with other outside influences, I arrived at this idea that my identity as a mother would be a woman who was insanely sleep-deprived, unkempt and frumpy, wearing clothing covered in something disgusting, frazzled, grumpy, unorganized, and desperately trying to balance a million spinning plates as she keeps all her household duties and somehow contributes to the household income as well.

I'm still perplexed at how I came to believe these extremes. It certainly didn't come from the example of my own mother {whom I believe to be the epitome of the perfect mom}, and I grew up surrounded by classy women who were also the opposite of what I just described above. I'm sure I was influenced by a plethora of factors, some being my own fears. Yet I somehow can't help feeling that I'm not alone--that other women out there have had these exact same expectations of motherhood which lead to feelings of hesitancy in wanting to take the plunge and start families of their own.

It makes me really mad when I think about it. I'm mad because I feel that despite my own positive observations of mothers I know personally, society and the media still succeeded in planting seeds of doubt in my mind about whether or not it would be worth it to become a mother. And I'm angry because that image of motherhood I wrestled with is so very different from what I'm actually experiencing.

If I could, I would shout it from the rooftops that becoming a mother is beyond a shadow of a doubt one of the best things I have ever done in my life--one of the things that has brought me more joy and happiness than I could have ever imagined. I desperately wish my words could convey how much more deeply I enjoy life each day because I am a mother to our precious daughter.

And you know what? Life is quite different now than before we had Makenna. BUT... I sleep through the night. I shower every day and take time to look presentable even for a quick trip to the grocery store. I still have downtime for myself as well as quality time with my husband. I still have time for hobbies. I can still conquer housework and social obligations. I still have big dreams for myself outside of motherhood. And most importantly, I still feel like me, just a better version of myself because of all the lessons I've learned since becoming a mother. I'm still the same Deanne.

I know that if God grants us further children, life will get busier and feel much more of a challenge than does life with one child. It's taken me time to learn how to be a mother of one, but I now have confidence knowing that though it will also take time, I can learn how to be a mother of two.

I'm still learning, day by day, how to navigate this journey of being a mom. I love everything it encompasses, all the highs and lows. And I realize now that one of the best things I have done in my life was to listen to the little tug in my heart that was calling me to motherhood. I can't even begin to imagine missing out on all my life is now, all the love and joy that fills my heart in its purest form.

A Delightful Redirection

I think there need be no explanations of why I've been absent from my blog for well over two months now. It can be summed up in one word: LIFE.

The beginning of 2014 seems ages ago now, but I still find myself in the "New Year" state of mind. I can tell you that the start of this new year in particular feels especially significant for me because I feel that I am such a different person now, at the beginning of 2014, than I was at the beginning of 2013. Of course the largest part of that change comes from becoming a Mom. I think that for me, there is no single life event that has transformed me as much as bringing a little one into this world. {As it well should!} Maybe it's also that Matt and I became first-time homeowners, or that I got a fabulous new job, or that I turned 30. Lots of big things happened last year.

I also know that I gained an enormous amount of perspective--life-perspective, if you will, during 2013. Through trials, tests, intense prayer, heaps of faith, dreams, and soul-searching, I feel I've arrived at a place where I see my life through a lens that is helping me to stay focused, eliminate distractions, and enjoy life in a way I never have before.

With all of this introspection, I've thought a lot about my blog; mainly being--why do I blog?

This blog started out as a way to put my thoughts "out there." I thoroughly enjoy writing and I always have. It's an outlet for me. And though I put my deepest, most intimate thoughts into journals, I enjoy emptying my mind into this little space here. In a way, it feels like an artistic outlet for me.

The readers of my blog are mostly family and friends--those who know me personally. I'll get the occasional visitors from google searches or a few recipes I've shared that are floating around Pinterest. But I've never had the intention of gaining a large readership. Sure, that would be flattering, but I honestly like the more intimate feeling my blog has. I feel I can be more myself with what I post here when I know not much of the outside world is reading.

I've even asked myself if I would still blog if not one single person read my posts. I can honestly say that yes, I would. There's something refreshing about hitting the "publish" button and sending a little piece of yourself to get intertwined with the mass of the world wide web.

These past many weeks, I've had so many blog post ideas floating about in my mind and I wanted so badly to stop and write. But between my job, being a mom, the holidays, and all of life's other responsibilities, I found myself constantly making the choice between sitting down to blog, or going to bed. Sleep will always, always win out in my book. At this point in my life, I can't function well, let alone be a good wife or mother if I don't get adequate sleep.

I've had to ask myself if I think maintaining this blog is really worth it for me. Again, I have answered yes. I truly need this creative outlet. It's a healthy way I can have a little "Deanne" time. And now I feel I've reached a point where I am blogging for myself and not for others. That's why I'll no longer link my newest posts to Facebook.

There's so much I want and need to do with "Delighted." It needs updating and editing, re-organization...just some all-around TLC. As of late, I've primarily been blogging solely about our family life and what we're up to these days. There will still be plenty of that here, but I want to blog about lots of other things: more recipes, my faith journey, life lessons, general thoughts running through my head, and lots of snippets of past travel adventures.

I have recently finished up with my half-a-year term of work, which means I'll not be working again until August. And that of course means I will have a whole lot more time to blog in the coming months.

So for those very few of you who have even bothered to hang around here these past few months--thank you. I'll be seeing you again very soon.

Bring on the Thirties

A few weeks back, a big thing happened: I turned thirty. It felt like a big thing, and yet oddly, it didn't.

Big, in how I could sense that a "book" within this novel that is my life had ended, and a brand new one had begun.

I can just imagine all the blank pages yet to be filled. It's the lovely anticipation one feels when acquiring a fresh new journal--the way it smells brand new, and the crisp, clean pages beckoning to be filled with unforgettable memories and deep thoughts.

But I wasn't scared or freaked-out to be turning thirty. It came in a quiet way. I had watched it approaching for the past few years and it just didn't feel like a big deal to me. In fact, after all the life I have lived thus far, it kind of felt like it was time for me to turn thirty, do you know what I mean?

{This birthday was also accompanied by a fair dose of melancholy, as my Grandpa Dorsey had passed away two days prior. It's a sad actuality that he passed away on what was my sister's birthday. She has a good attitude about it, but I still wish it hadn't happened that way.}

I've lived a lot of life in these past thirty years--thirty glorious years overflowing with happiness and joy and more incredible experiences than I ever could have dreamt of.

Still, I feel there is one, singular thing I have learned from life, just before turning thirty. Through my daughter, I have discovered love in its absolute purest form.

This love is so different from all the other great loves in my life--the love for my Heavenly Father, the love for my husband, the love for my family members.

It's just that this love I have for my baby girl is something I never knew I had inside of me. It has utterly and completely rocked my world. I am a changed woman, and a thousand times better for it. I never could have believed love like this were possible if I hadn't experienced it for myself.

 

So. Enough of the gushing.

All in all, I'm incredibly excited to discover what this next decade of my life will hold. After all, my twenties were pretty epic....

Let's see, there was: six weeks studying abroad in Normandy, France, then later studying abroad in Strasbourg, France for a semester and getting to travel around Europe, graduating with a double major, meeting and marrying the absolute love of my life {which afforded me my dream wedding and honeymoon!}, spending a summer working abroad in England, a mission trip to Trinidad and  Tobago, living and working in Hungary for eight months while Matt was deployed to Afghanistan, a whole fun array of work experiences {including working as a wrangler!}, lots of domestic travels, buying our first home, and of course, welcoming our first child! Oh goodness, I just can't even imagine being any more blessed.

If that is what my twenties brought me, then oh yes, please. Bring on these marvelous thirties!

A New Year, A Whole New Life

The web is abuzz with people talking about the New Year, resolutions, and reflection upon the great things of 2012. I was amongst these last year, blogging an overview of 2011 and writing about why I love making resolutions each year.

{I intended to insert a photo here, but blogger is being weird an not allowing me the ability to upload photos! So please excuse this boring text-only post.}

This year I will do neither since I lack the time to recap 2012 and because I simply can't begin to fathom how to make resolutions for 2013. Matt and I are starting this New Year with two HUGE life changers: moving into our first home this month, then welcoming our first child next month. We are diving in head-first without a moment to spare.

Becoming homeowners is of course a huge thing, but so seemingly insignificant next to becoming parents for the first time. Our life is about to change in the most monumental, amazing, wonderful, and blessed way as we welcome our baby girl into this world. We both are well aware that until she takes her first breaths, we can't possibly imagine how our world will suddenly be turned upside down and instantly shift to revolve around our precious gift from God.

I don't know what being a "mommy" is like. I don't know how long it will take to adjust and settle into a comfortable routine. All I know is that Matt and I are ready for this unknown, crazy adventure that is parenthood. We know our lives will never be the same. We know that we will figure it all out together, and because of our deep love and commitment to one another, we will do just fine. We know there will be challenges and tears and frustration, but we know much more than that there will be joy, laughter, special moments, and endless upon endless amounts of LOVE.

So for now, I simply accept that the near future will bring lots of craziness, excitement and so much change going on that we likely won't get a feel for a routine and a sense of normalcy until we are well into March. And I am totally at peace with that.

Since I am blogging anyway, I can tell you that one of my goals for 2013 is to give my blog a makeover. {Because of life's craziness, the makeover likely won't happen until March, unless this little lady in my belly decides to make a late appearance...then I might occupy my time with that project!} You also will be seeing a lot more of me here on this blog of mine. I really neglected my blog the second half of 2012, with being pregnant and working two jobs and all. But just you wait...my little space on the web here will have all kinds of good things to come! I know I will desperately need this creative outlet as I adjust to a whole new life as being a parent.

Thank you to those of you who read along here in 2012. I wish you all a very blessed, Happy New Year 2013!

30 weeks

I am amazed as I sit here writing that I am already a few weeks into my third trimester and that it is a mere TEN WEEKS until we get to meet our precious little one. I truly can't put into words how desperately I can't wait to meet this daughter of mine, especially as I feel her moving inside of me so strongly and so frequently. Yet I also feel that I need ALL of these ten weeks to prepare for her arrival... Maybe I wouldn't mind if she were one week early, but no more than that, despite knowing how ready I'll be feeling at 37-38 weeks for her to come out!



So here I am today, at 30 weeks and 2 days pregnant:

Yes, let's be honest. I feel H.U.G.E. But I am okay with that. I know I'll only be getting bigger and I really adore what getting bigger means. Baby girl is healthy and we are so grateful!

Here are the other pregnancy details of the past many weeks:

~My spine still bothers me a lot. As I predicted, it hurts more the bigger baby girl gets (she's around 3 lbs. now!). However, the discomfort isn't twenty-four seven, and it is something I can deal with.

~Baby girl is practicing to be a NYC Rockette! What a little busy lady she is and I just adore feeling her move so often.

~I see my belly move when I look down all the time. It stinks because I want Matt to see it as much as I do, but of course I can't predict when she'll be moving--I just look down when I feel movement and see my belly move, but it usually happens so quickly that Matt misses it.

~Baby has started hiccuping a lot!

~This past week, for the first time, I was able to locate one of her limbs and feel its outline through my belly. She had her leg/foot wedged up near my right set of ribs, and Matt could feel her leg too!

~I had a very nervous experience for a little over a week. I did my one-hour blood glucose test at my doctor's office and found out that I didn't pass it. So I had to go to the hospital lab to do what they call the "three-hour test" of your blood glucose levels. If you don't pass that one, then you have gestational diabetes. First of all, I basically have a phobia of doing blood work (thanks to multiple passing-out episodes). And the "three-hour" test actually was FIVE hours spent at the lab, doing FOUR blood draws, and having fasted on top of that, so by my final blood draw, I hadn't eaten food in seventeen hours! I was a big girl and made it through without passing out, but I was so incredibly anxious about passing the test or not. Turns out I PASSED the three-hour test---Praise the Lord!!!

~I have constant dreams about our baby girl deciding to come early. I think this is a result of feeling so unprepared at this point. At least I hope that's what it is, and not a foreshadowing!

~The least-fun pregnancy symptoms at this point: still struggling with horrible acne, trouble sleeping, some heartburn {thankfully nothing too intense}, a constant stuffy nose, and the belly pressure than can feel uber-uncomfortable at times.

And a non-pregnancy update related to my last post: we did not get the house we bid on. We have a bid going in on another one tomorrow, and then if we happen to not get that one, we have another house we love we'd turn around and offer on. Hopefully this means we'll be done house-shopping soon! Just waiting for the right one and for it all to fall into place...

A Much-Needed Weekend of Relaxation

This Labor-Day weekend was exactly what I needed. It was a simple, restful, and fun weekend for us. My job has had me going non-stop for the past two weeks now, and to be honest, my pregnant self has not been handling it well. So this weekend was like a breath of fresh air.

Believe it or not, I actually spent all of Saturday running errands and doing chores. There were quite a few chores I'd been neglecting as of late, and with my neat-freak/OCD tendencies, I actually can't relax until I get my to-do list accomplished. I knew if I hit it hard Saturday, I could truly relax and enjoy Sunday and Monday, chore-free. So after grocery shopping and other errands Saturday, I scrubbed down our shower/tub, cleaned and vacuumed both our cars, and gave our patio a thorough cleaning {it needed it badly after many summer rains, plus our glass sliding doors were filthy}. I did laundry, changed our bed linens, vacuumed the apartment, and put away/organized many things.

As for the rest of this weekend...

~I made strawberry crêpes with freshly whipped cream for breakfast
~We watched lots of movies {gotta love Redbox!}
~We slept. A LOT.
~We made a delicious fruit salad to celebrate the last of summer's fruits
~We went out to see a movie
~We dined at California Pizza Kitchen {their BBQ Chicken Chopped Salad is my favorite}
~We treated ourselves to decadent Oreo Brownies from Mrs. Field's Cookies

All in all, it was a very productive AND very relaxing weekend. Just what I needed, indeed!

The Pregnancy Details

My last post announcing our Big News was quite short and general, and you may be wondering some things, so I thought I'd answer the general questions that we've gotten thus far.

1. How far along are you?  13 weeks and 2 days, to be precise.

2. When is the due date?  February 15th, 2013 {but we all know babies don't usually stick to those}.

3. How are you feeling?  Better these past few weeks. I've been one of those very lucky ones who hasn't been throwing up with morning sickness. However, that is NOT at all to say I haven't been feeling sick. Since about week 5, I've been extremely nauseated twenty-four/seven. That has really only let up a bit in the past two weeks or so. And though I am eternally grateful to not have actually thrown up {no one hates it more than me!}, it's almost just as miserable to feel like I'm on the verge of needing to for weeks on end. Food has begun to actually sound appetizing to me lately, though my appetite has far from fully returned.

4. Are you showing yet?  Maybe just a teensy bit. My pants are definitely quite snug now, but when I examine my stomach in the mirror, I feel pretty sure that anything sticking out is just my being very bloated. {oh the joys of pregnancy!} So no bump picture for you quite yet....maybe next week!

5. Are you planning on finding out the gender?  Absolutely! Matt and I have both always felt strongly that we wanted to know the gender up front. There may be a possibility for a "gender reveal" party, as well. But of course we would be thrilled with either a boy or girl!

6. Do you have names picked out yet?  No. We have a nice list going for each gender, but nothing has been decided yet. Once we do make our final choice, we plan to keep the name a secret until he or she enters the world.

7. Any cravings?  At this point, it's still just food aversions. For example: coffee. This is crazy for me since I'm such a huge coffee lover! {Apparently my mom also couldn't stand coffee during her pregnancies}. I also haven't been eating too many sweets because they just don't sound good at this point. {I swear...offer me a piece of chocolate and I'll turn it down!} What does sound good at this point are salty things.

*I include this next question because although many people don't ask it, they still wonder.*
8. Did you get pregnant on purpose/was this planned?  Yes! {I wonder this with others sometimes but never ask it. It's one of those "none of your business questions." As my cousin recently put it, getting asked this question is basically the equivalent of getting asked, "So.....business or pleasure?" Haha! Right?} In all seriousness, though, Matt and I are so eternally grateful that God has blessed us with this little one on the way.

9. Any other pregnancy symptoms?  Well, there's the extreme exhaustion. And the going to the bathroom much more frequently. And the aforementioned bloating. My second least favorite {after the intense nausea}? I am breaking out everywhere like a hormonal teenager. My face is a wreck and I'm having a hard time covering it up with makeup. I'm also breaking out like crazy on my shoulders and back.

10. What have you done as far as doctor's appointments go?  We had our first ultrasound at 10 weeks 4 days, and just last week we heard our little one's heartbeat for this first time! Everything looks great so far--Praise the Lord!

I sure am happy to be transitioning into my second trimester now. All the other ladies tell me it's the best part of the pregnancy!

Let me know if you have any other questions and I'll be sure to respond!

Cloudy

Today was mostly sunny and beautiful, and then this afternoon it got cloudy.

And it made me happy.

I love, love cloudy days. And rainy days. And thunderstorms. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I open the curtains to see a sunny day outside and I actually feel disappointed. {I know, what's wrong with me, right?} But if I open the curtains to a cloudy morning, well, I'm instantly loving it.

I really can't explain this perhaps other than me being born and having family roots in the rainy Pacific Northwest. Or maybe it comes from my family's heritage being traced to the windswept, gloomy British Isles. Or maybe it's even my rare personality type.

Of course, there are days when I prefer sun, like on beach days and so forth. But there's just something about a gray, overcast sky that makes me feel warm, cozy, safe, and content. I really cannot find the words to tell you why I love cloudy days so, for it's really just built into who I am.

I could use a summer with lots more cloudy days.

Memory Box

I love to gush about my Mom and just how incredible of a Mom she has always been. Way back when I first started this blog, I shared about a special gift my mom gave me, my brother, and sister when she presented each of us with a one-year calendar log of our lives as two-year-olds--a daily log of some of the funny things we did and said, and how our personalities really started coming out.

Just a few weeks ago, my mom presented my sister and I each with a box filled with all sorts of childhood papers and memories. We had a blast looking through them and couldn't believe all of the stuff she saved...

There are my first cards I ever received from family and friends,...

...all kinds of things I made in school,...

...and even "buttons" of my high school dance team photos {parents were given these to wear to any of their kids' sporting events or performances}. Oh, and my lovely Junior High photo i.d. card, braces and all.

Then there are drawings I did and my mom recorded the date and age I was when I created them. She also added extra notes, like the funny conversation we had below.

Apparently I dabbled in poetry at an early age, and dictated it to my mom before I could write it myself.

I love how my mom recorded precious moments like the one we shared below. If she had never written it down, it is likely it would have been forgotten. Now we can both treasure that moment always.

My mom saved all kinds of pictures I made for her, cards I wrote, and little letters I wrote to her during church.

And the box contained some of my oddest creations:

"One sunny morning I found Judy Garland under my egg. I was so happy.
Then I hugged her." {I had a BIG thing for the Wizard of Oz starting at age three.}

Here's Judy, under my egg.

How thoughtful is my Mom for taking the time to save all of these little things for all three of her kids? She knew how fun it would be for us one day to go back through them as adults. It brought back so many memories that I had forgotten, and as I looked at some of the things I drew, I was instantly transported back into time as I clearly remembered making it.

I found so many, MANY drawings and cards in the box where I wrote, "Mom, you are the BEST mom in the world!" I meant it with all my heart when I wrote it as a child, but I believe it now as an adult more than I ever did before.

This memory box is a priceless treasure. Thanks, Mom.

Heat Wave

It is HOT here in Michigan.

And I realize that it is pretty much everywhere else, too. Thank goodness it's not nearly as hot and dry as in Colorado, for example, creating all those devastating fires. {Our prayers are with you!}

Since I had the luxury of growing up in a gorgeous little town right on the sparkling, sandy shores of Lake Michigan, I didn't really realize how little I can tolerate intense heat. I spent my summers swimming in our family's in-ground pool and all the rest of the days at the beach swimming in the lake. It's hard to imagine a lake like Lake Michigan unless you've seen it--it looks like an ocean, has beautiful, sparkling {and sometimes even quite warm!} waters to swim in, and is devoid of all the annoying sea life one has to worry about in an ocean.

Perhaps my heat tolerance has lessened with age. But let's also be honest here--I'm just not built for heat. God gave me red hair and very fair skin that's prone to burning and freckling. Put me out directly in the sun on a very hot, humid day, and I wilt like a delicate flower. My energy is instantly zapped.

Otherwise, send me here...

{from my trip to the island of Tobago}

...and I will swim in the water and last hour upon hour in the hot sunlight.


What's that you say? Don't I currently live by a lake? Yes, indeed I do. However, Lake St. Clair is sadly NOT a good swimming lake {dirty water filled with E. coli, yuck}. It does look pretty, though.

So you'll find this wimp spending most of my time in air conditioning, sipping on iced teas and lemonades, only venturing out for a walk or a bike ride when the evenings have become much cooler.

Stay cool, everyone!

Things You Didn't Know About Me

For those of you newer readers to my blog, I thought I'd do a quick little list of things so you can know me a bit better. And hey...for those of you who know me personally--well, you just might learn a little something, too.

• My favorite ice cream: Edy's French Silk {it's dangerous.}
• My favorite tea: Earl Grey {preferably Harney & Sons brand}
• I have always been a "back" sleeper. Though I'll occasionally roll to the side, it's by far the most comfortable position for me. I drift off in this position with my hands folded on my ribcage and my feet crossed. My sister always remarked that I look like I've been laid out in a coffin!
• I have always gotten asked if my red hair is natural. It is, and I've never even highlighted it because it gets lots of natural highlights from the sun {to the point where people have asked if I dyed my hair blonde}.
• As often as I get asked about my hair, I get questions about my eyelashes--whether they're real or fake. They are 100% real {plus mascara}. Many thanks to Mom and Dad for great eyelash genes! The mascara is just as important, however; my eyelashes are too light to be seen without it.
• My favorite childhood book: The Farthest Away Mountain by Lynn Reid Banks {author of The Indian in the Cupboard}
• I work as the Unplanned Pregnancy and Adoption Counselor for a non-profit Christian counseling services, also a licensed adoption agency.
• When eating a standard sandwich, I eat all the crusts around the edges, then eat the center last.
• If I had to narrow down all my favorite foods to only two items, it would be mashed potatoes and chocolate cake.
• I have a freakishly strong memory, especially when it comes to how far back I can remember when I was little. I have all these memories I can tell you from age 3 and on, in lots of detail and recalling my thought processes at the time, too. Then, I once drew the layout of a house we lived in for my parents, trying to test my memory. I also drew the location of the furniture in the rooms, including where my high chair sat in the dining room and the crib in my room. My parents were so completely stunned, and verified the exact accuracy of my memory, explaining that we moved out of that house before I turned two years old.
• I have a large shoebox where I keep cards and letters from dear family and friends from all over the world, starting from when I was just a little girl.
• The household chore I most enjoy is dusting. I use lemon Pledge and not only do I love the smell and the sheen it gives to the furniture, it brings be back to my childhood as that was the household chore I was always assigned. I pretty much despise all other household chores.
• I have two recurring types of bad dreams: 1) It's the end of the semester of high school or college and I've completely forgotten to attend a course all semester, and will therefore fail it, or 2) It's dance recital time and I'm about to go onstage and do a dance that I haven't learned at all, but am supposed to know. The psych analyses aren't hard to see with these two...
• My whole life, people have mispronounced my name. Instead of Deanne, I'll usually get Deanna. Or Denea, or Deena. Since I've been older, I've frequently been getting Dean. As in, the male name DEAN. {Really.} I'm sure my parents would have spelled my name "DeeAnn" or something if they'd known people couldn't get it right.
• I loved walking as my means of transportation at the times when I've lived abroad. I can't even describe how much I wish that were a possibility for my life here in the US.

There, you know me a bit better. Thanks for taking the time to do so!

INFJ

I would assume that most of you out there are familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It is a personality test known world-wide and normally explored in standard high school or college psychology courses. The official test is administered by certified counselors or therapists and after they receive and analyze a client's results, they then have an in-depth discussion of the findings with the client.


There are four letters that define each personality:
E: extroversion or I: introversion
S: sensing or N: intution
T: thinking or F: feeling
J: judgement or P: perception


Matt and I took the Myers-Briggs test when we went for our Pre-Marital Counseling. {Many churches require this before agreeing to marry a couple, but regardless, I would HIGHLY recommend Pre-Marital counseling to any engaged couple. We found it extremely beneficial and helpful, equipping us with tools to use throughout our marriage.} This test allowed for Matt and I to really explore one another's deep-rooted personality traits and the things that make us tick.


My test initially came back as an ENFJ. However, the test results showed that I was really on the line between an "E" {extroverted} or an "I" {introverted}. After further discussion with our counselor, we concluded that I am truly an "I" with many extroverted tendencies. We compared ENFJ and INFJ profile descriptions and there was no doubt that I am an INFJ. {The main characteristic of Extroverts is that they draw their energy from interaction with others and are drained by too much alone time. Introverts are drained of their energy by too much interaction with others and draw their energy from alone time. As much as I love being with others and have been described as a "people person," social interactions truly drain me of my energy. I NEED my alone time, desperately.}

It turns out that as an INFJ, I am the rarest personality type, with only 1-3% of the population falling into this category. I have done quite a bit of research on INFJ's outside of the analysis and discussion we had with our Pre-Marital counselor and have often been astonished by what I have read about INFJ's and how perfectly it describes me. I'll read the descriptions and think over and over to myself, That is SO "me"!

I shall now share with you a few such findings that describe yours truly to a T.

INFJ's:

~rarely feel at peace with themselves or the world around them; they usually feel that they're not living up to their full potential and overlook the accomplishments they've achieved in life

~have a "knack" for foreign languages and communicate their feelings best through writing

~are often mistaken for extroverts because of their sincere interest in others and their outgoing personality

~when upset, will withdraw into themselves and become silent. This is both a defense and an escape mechanism, and it is the characteristic most confusing about INFJ's to others. {I know this is extremely frustrating to Matt, especially since I'm not often aware that I'm doing it. I think I'll always have to work on being better in this area.}

~feel strong inner conflicts within themselves between their many differing preferences

~grow up feeling "different" from their peers

~have keen insight into the motivations of others and can easily spot fakery and all things superficial

~can know things intuitively and are usually right, without being able to understand why or how {this random ability has really freaked me out several times throughout my lifetime!}

~are drawn to melancholy things

~are often attracted to the "classics"; enjoy collecting antiques, historical items, art, etc. and are usually captivated by a certain period in history, a specific genre of music, and certain actors and writers {yes, yes, yes, and YES!}

~are often puzzled by the intricacies of their own personality

~live in a world of hidden meanings, dreams, and possibilities

There you have some pieces of me. But I must tell you, writing some of this out almost feels like I am sharing things about myself that are too personal. This feeling in itself is an INFJ characteristic--not wanting to share too deeply with those outside their close circle. Nonetheless, I present it to you, as I belong to this rare {and even a little odd} group of personality types.

I am curious, though...do any of you out there know your Myers-Briggs type? Has learning about it been helpful for you?

Sunrise at the Lake

I've mentioned before that we live within walking distance of the lake. That's Lake St. Clair, to be exact. It's not one of the Great Lakes, but it's still large enough that one can't see the other side, giving the illusion of an ocean rather than a lake.

The other morning I woke up at the wee hours to enjoy the sunrise. Growing up on the western shore of the beautiful peninsula of Michigan, I enjoyed hundreds upon hundreds of breathtaking sunsets. These glorious sunsets were such a commonplace sight that I'm rather afraid I took them for granted.

Now that we live on the eastern shore of our state, I decided it was high time to start enjoying some sunrises, even if it means getting up far earlier than my body would like.

The early morning sky enticed me along to the lake front:

The colors in this photo weren't edited whatsoever--promise! It was incredible...

 And then I arrived at the lake. The forcast was right: partly cloudy. Yet the glorious golden rays of the sunrise still had a tiny chance to make an appearance...

There is little else in this world that soothes my soul the way majestic waters can. Whether it be mighty, white-capped waves, or smooth, quiet ripples--no matter what the circumstances of life may be, I gaze upon the waters and my heart instantly becomes at peace.

And then--to my utter delight--a large family {of fifteen!!} swam by:

They were soon followed by a much smaller family of five:

I enjoyed many moments of repose, seated at a picnic table, scribbling down thoughts in my journal.

I was the only soul at the waterfront. Oh, how I love solitude.

The walk home was also magically empty...

...empty, and enchanting.

I couldn't think of a more perfect way to start the day.